More polka-dots!

Okay, work with me here. imagine this dress being worn by someone who hadn’t been able to talk/bribe/threaten her plastic surgeon into giving her ginormous implants. Concentrate instead on the enormous polka dots (I know, I know, they don’t look so large next to those other unnaturally round objects, but try). think about the cute border along the hem, and the pockets.

In fact, the pockets are so great that the description calls them “most sexy and unique”! too bad the rest of the description is incoherent, saying the dress has an “empire drop waist” (a contradiction in terms) and is “perfect for ant occasion” by which I suppose they mean picnics, although that sounds more like a crossword clue than anything else. I pass over the apostrophe and capitalization problems as being unworthy of our time. (Why, oh why do these sites not hire copyeditors? I know plenty who would work for free clothes!)

It’s only $58, and sized small-medium-large. (Large is a 38 bust, 34 waist.) click on the image to visit the site. There are a couple other cute halters and goddessy gowns, but they’re interspersed with dresses only useful to people auditioning for the role of “pole girl #3” in a rap video. (They also have the worst Duro version I’ve seen yet.)

Oh, did I mention this is from TikiBoutique.com? Or did the giant photo WATERMARK give it away? (To be fair, there was one unmarked photo, but the model’s implants are so freakishly disturbing in it I didn’t want to post it. When did they develop antigrav silicone, and why didn’t anyone tell me?)

By the way, please don’t click on this, unless you have something to scrub your eyeballs with after — just the words “party halter gaucho jumpsuit” should be enough to give you nightmares for quite some time. (They did me.) See what I go through to bring you cute cheap dresses?

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